Friends Forever

Codford and the Abbots

In this English parish, lies a story closely related to daddy's past.

The picturesque countryside brings tremendous pleasure to one and memories of the place linger in our minds long after we left it for home. Look at the thatched roof. It is ancient but still relevant to one's eyes.

Codford in Wiltshire is a picture of peace and serenity. This was caught on a beautiful morning in June and calms one's mind and spirit. So good a place to retire.



You see this? It is as though it's extracted from the pages of a story book; pretty isn't it? Fancy living beside it everyday of your life. This is it. When you have it, you learn to treat it well ; just like when you have loved ones beside you ; we appreciate them. You feel most when you lose them. Oh so lovely is the patch of green to the eyes ; unforgettable.



Wooden wattle just as often mentioned in poems; so lovely.




Lovelier than anything known is this thick friendship that exists between dad and long time comrade; Vincie Abbot. The kind and generous lady used to house dad when he first landed on the shores of Portsmouth and Vincie was one of the earlier friends who helped set a home away from home for him. Dad tells me that Vincie though known to him as his landlady was always there to provide meals and shed at guess what ? 7 GBP a week ! He recalls the time when she taught them skills and discipline for survival.
So dad can never forget her. Vincie makes it a point to keep in contact. She laments that dad is bad at mails and cards and took it upon herself to keep the line alive by hook or crook.

BJ is spouse to Vincie. It was so kind of him too to put up with so many of us and the subtle moments he created to speak to the girls especially Esther in building matters. Very informative uncle to the girls.

Gran Vincie Sr stayed behind for another day just to meet us. Warm, gentle and kind she listened to stories of my past since she last saw the family in 1995 ! Her quiet disposition has won the heart of Sara as she kept telling me that gran Vincie is so 'proper' and sensible...she likes her tremendously.

So in Codford residents stroll deep into the woods in the evenings and enjoy the cool, clean air away from pollution. You can walk miles, be healthy and happy. To be mentioned again; a good place to savour in the natural beauty of the Creator.

Streams and lakes of this nature are aplenty ; see... are you envious?

While in Codford a couple of weeks ago, I could not help but be enthralled by the common effort put in by the local folks to create harmony, participation and togetherness. A competition to scare away beasts and birds was on !

You like this better?

Or this? There were many others but I could not snap them in time; they disappeared very fast... they set a festive mood to the place.

So in this lovely township, Vincie like her usual self, provided us meals after meals from breakfast to dinners... you don't know the feelings until you are there.

Dinners at night are a pleasure indeed. The girls had a wonderful time being fed well !

BJ remembers the good Lord at every meal. We thank the Lord for friends, love, mercies and food... prayers bring us together. It has always been the faith right from the beginning of dad's journey to the UK in the 70s that brought Vincie and him together.

Sara could not help but bake her favourite cheesecake ! Being away from home was tough as it denied her the chance to vent out her passion for baking often enough. So she must bake; she insisted. She did and she passed the test !

Gran Vincie had to leave the next day. At 87, she is indeed a blessing to us. It was kind of her to stay behind for us.

At the first instant of meeting us, she brought out this photo that she had kept with her since 1995. She remembers the children in this manner and now...

They have all grown up and it brought her real joy and pleasure! How time flies. They are now beautiful young ladies.

Saying goodbye to the Abbots was not easy but all good things will have to end...

Grace could not go without posing with them for memories...

When will we meet again? At Little Orchard ? ... the place where ducks swim freely and happily?

Here dad speaks to Vincie about Little Orchard and the great plans of a new look...

Where pears and apples grow naturally....

Where the mysterious swan swims on its own without care..

Yes, Little Orchard is our next appointment in God's grace... till we meet again.

To the Abbots, our grateful thanks and appreciation for having us for 3 lovely days; a wish coming true for dad and his crave to visit the land he left 40 years ago.

Codford with the Abbots will remain in our hearts and minds for many, many, many days, months and years to come.

God bless the Abbots.

Roots

Knowing Your Ancestors

When your 93 year old father keeps calling you for an all important event and wants your presence, you can only concede and oblige. So, my brother and I made a trip down South to accompany the parents to a 'world' Chong Clan get together in good old Melaka.
The Chongs of the universe right across international waters - Hong Kong, Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand - met for a recognition of past heritage and their motherland.

Kong Kong told us that the figure up there is the oldest recorded Chong guy and today the Chongs, Changs, Teos, Cheongs and whatever sounds which originated from different dialects met and a sense of "belonging" emerged from it.

So some spoke in Hakka, others in Teo Chew, still others in Cantonese... but they all come from the same source. A participant in her sing song Teo Chew dialect said " pak seh pak si ai choi chi kai seh " ...you don't mind dying just to produce the next generation of the same clan. Next she related that it is most permissible in the olden Chinese culture to remarry if your spouse was not able to continue the line for you. So primitive.

While dining, you hear people talk especially if you are in the company of people in their 70s and 80s about some Chinese taboos. If you are from this clan, you are not supposed to marry a partner of the same clan. This will cause misfortune and bring bad omen to the family. The older generation will even quote that the thunders in the sky will strike in disagreement of such a union. Modern medicine will agree that close blood ties will cause 'chromosome disorder' and other complications in the next generation.

But yet, the same group of people told me that among some of the guests were couples who intermarried within the same clan; immediate cousins to be exact. Miraculously, they have children who are perfectly normal.

That's why it is known as 'taboo' but no... I won't encourage this too. Too close in blood tie for comfort.

In Chinese dinner gatherings, the liquor is a must. Somehow the evening is not complete without it. So the beer promoters went round and round emptying bottles and topping glasses; as though to have empty glasses is a 'taboo'. I wonder at the number of pourings made; is it because it is 'free' that everyone is drinking till the cows come home? But this is typical Chinese culture. Men and women, young or old , they drank; that I observed. Liquor is another symbol of wealth.

When the clan met, they had a cause and it is most always something to do with money. They want to buy a building to house matters of the clan. So the 2ooo or so participants were generous and gave...RM800k.

Kong Kong I believe, was the oldest participant that evening. They invited him up stage to be one of the drum players. I took a shot of him standing right below the "Chong" symbol. The sense of pride I had when I see him. He told us that when he left the shores of China he had 10cents in his pocket. He sailed through the South China Sea on a passage fee of 34 dollars and that meant he working as a peon for 3 years to clear his debt. My father though from China is eternally grateful to this land because she has given him an opportunity to live a meaningful life. He has been a good son of the Chong Clan as he has led an exemplary life.

The shot is so appropriate...son of the Clan.
Kong Kong is so handsome.

So they hit the drums; another loud sounding symbol of good fortune.

The deputy Finance Minister Dato Donald Lim gave away a souvenir to Kong Kong; not knowing that his daughter is classmate to Sara in Reading. What a small world; strangers and yet connected in unknown ways.

Dato Lim reiterated that Malaysia has been gracious and allowed the Chinese in this land to have an opportunity to learn the Chinese Language which has been passed down from generation to generation. That's why he spoke with such eloquence. My brother and I though were quite some 'bananas' as we could not understand the speeches well. This was one time that I felt lost when they used the formal language. I could not help but feel this tinge of regret that I had not mastered the language. So Chinese in appearance and yet the language was missing. But, I may start picking the challenge for I love many things Chinese...songs, movies...

So the pompous evening had to come to an end. I looked at my father and brother; the Chong Clan. The cycle of culture, heritage and pride are in the sons; never daughters. How chauvinistic. How can anything begin without the fairer sex?

But it was an evening of its own. Though we began with reluctance accompanying the old folks, it ended with nostalgia as we see how people all over the world would come together to meet, be friends and remember their heritage. The Chinese people's roots are from China ; aren't they?

But I am proud to be a Malaysian.

Do you know ?

Robert Browning Hamilton

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
but left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;

But, oh ! The things I learned from her,
when sorrows walked with me.

After dinner last evening I asked both my nephews if they understood the stanzas ; one of them replied " does it mean we cannot enjoy pleasure? "

I told them you learn more from the school of hard knocks.

On a visit to a dear friend yesterday who is still grieving over her loss she told me this:

When you have lost a parent, you lose the past

When you have lost a spouse, you lose the present,
When you have lost a child, you lose a dream.

Food for thought when you are on holidays with no one climbing on your back ; except yourself.

Maintenance

Are you low or high maintenance prone ?

When people of my age group meet together, more often than not during my friday cell meetings, we inadvertently touch on issues of life. Hot topics include empty nest syndromes, high and low gearings, down-sizings and grannie obligations.




The men being the bread winners will dwell on monetary and financial matters. Is there a need to down size and down grade after retirement? Are we able to maintain the same life style as we used to? Will the present financial situation sustain us through our life time? These are worrying issues but nevertheless real and relevant. One member commented that he is a low maintenance man; if he cannot afford chicken rice in the mall then he will go to the local coffee shop. There is no air to live for. By being easy on your pocket and not keeping your face, life is made easier!
Aha; another guy related..." But I wanna retire beside the beach in Spain and savour in the evening sunset and glory..."; that's high maintenance. You gonna work all your life just for that. At times reality sets in and we shared that all that we have are gifts from God; giving us the health and opportunity to make a living. We have to be careful and grateful for a tsunami may just come along and everything disappears into thin air.
So, the conclusion is to lead a simple and meaningful life ; with less air.




Then we are also concerned about passive income. Should we invest wisely so that we have a constant source of income? But what do we invest in? Properties ? Houses? How to remain simple? Does retirement also include an annual holiday? Do we look at our children for maintenance? None of us dare to have an answer to that. We worked, be responsible parents making sure our children be given the best education opportunities and then we allow them to go forward in their endeavors in life. We can only pray for the best to come to them.
The answer is ; yes it would be good to have a source of passive income and we hope to be able to make wise decisions about that. Civil servants have passive income ! No work but got money.



The next demanding issue is when grandmas have to fly everywhere to help look after grandchildren. The latest trend is to have children working overseas and then the grannies will fly in to be close to them and to maintain a rapport with the immediate family. I am still too young for that... my children are busy studying and at work. But a couple are really busy doing grannie chores. That's something to learn about.

So when we gather and talk, we laugh as much as we can and hope the years ahead will bring good cheer and joy to us. In another couple of years, we wonder at other impending issues.

God grant us good health, we pray.

Gestures of Love

Stories for my children.

They must remember the love of their grandmother.

Yes, it's the weekend again. Please girls, don't ask why I am back in Muar again. Please don't lament at the slowness of the town and its colourless disposition. Muar holds a big portion of mama's heart because Kong and Por are there. So you would think we are doing our 'daughterly' and 'sonly' duties by visiting them ; that we are there to be assured of their well-being and health.

But you are highly mistaken.

As she opened her eyes at the break of dawn, her first desire was to get to the wet market on time for that catch. She never fails to lament that the supply of fish in Subang Jaya is inedible and nothing beats her Parit Jawa catch. At 7.45 aged 86, and trying to trudge like she is in her 50s, I felt guilt and shame as I see her mingle among the crowd to get her portion. Alas, she was told that she came a little too late. The next batch will arrive at 8.30am. She was relieved; at least she could get her hands on the next batch. So, she took a turn and went for breakfast with us first.

At 8.20am, she arrived at the spot to be told that it was not time yet. So she waited. I looked at her intense determination to make sure I had the fish. I asked myself if my love for my children is anywhere near hers. She spoke her sing-song teochew with the market vendors who seem to know her pretty well. They spoke about the freshness and the untainted fish so famous from Parit Jawa ; a seaside village some 8km away. My mother will never concede to anything less than the supply from that place.

8.30am arrived and with glee she saw the fish monger pouring out the fresh supply. With a snap of the finger, in no more than 10 minutes, the fishes were gone. But Por got hers ! She was happy that she could get the supply ! She doesn't think about how much they would cost her...

She smiled and beamed as she had the opportunity to grab the 'unadulterated' fishes. That is the reason why it so difficult to feed her when she is with me in Subang Jaya... nothing is fresh enough !

Very soon she went to the next stall to get a chicken to cook her comfort food; chicken in rice wine. No chicken can beat her 'red' chicken; it's not the type you get at the Subang Jaya wet market. It's a breed that has less fat and is fed on proper 'grains'. Do you buy this type of chicken?, she asked me. I blatantly replied; "Mak, I don't even know the existence of this species". She ranted the whole morning saying I must stop feeding on bad species and change my preference. I will try, mum.

Uncle Choy and I had to leave and she said after lunch please. We were treated to another session of good food and homecooking. It set me thinking about this. Who is looking after who? We are back for treats ! Por is super generous and gracious. She feeds her children even at 86 ; notwithstanding her frail bones and clumsy movements at times. That is her fierce love for her children; everyone is hers. While clearing the plates, she says she loves to hear from her children and grandchildren especially when Grace comes back from Singapore. Will Grace call her when she comes back next? she asked. Will you Grace? Without reminders?

Her portion of rice for four was big. Mum, why do you have to cook so much rice? I have my reasons, she spoke.

She told me that I need not prepare dinner at home since you girls are away and there were only dad and me. So she packed 2 portions; one for uncle Choy and another for me. Por is precise; tries very hard not to show partiality and gives equally. She has taught me another lesson; to love all children with the same portion. So, girls you know how generous I can be too; don't you? Only for meaningful ventures ,though... to teach you the value of money.

Close to the market place, is a store that supplies the famous 434 coffee of Muar. Any coffee for you dear? I told her I have too much at home but she insisted and finally when I denied them, she said; give your friends in school.

When I first brought some for the office girls in school, they told me that it tasted wonderful; so their supply is coming in again.

So girls, next time when you do have families of your own and you visit me, I will try to be kind and generous like Por. She has taught me great lessons of love and care and I will learn her ways.

So surely Por is like what Proverbs says:

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her...

Proverbs 31: 27-28

Thank you Por for the fishes, chicken in rice wine, bread, coffee, bottles of rice wine and fruits. Each time when we see you, you never fail to show us your unconditional love.

Love you Por Por.

The Household Name

The American Title

When the girls at home first got hooked to the show many seasons ago, I watched with some interest initially. Then I began to like; really like because it created the urge for me to guess at each contestant's sustainability in the show. Also, of course I enjoy the renditions, the performances and the clean fun. Soon, I began to garner some interest in dad too. In the beginning he was alarmed at my 'discipline' in watching each season and the craze in being tied to the seat ; come rain or shine and at times laughing to myself. But soon; very soon he too got hooked. He began to watch quite religiously with me for the last 3 seasons and we became partners in guessing the winners.

Last evening while sending my nephew to the airport , he casually asked me:
Ayi Poh, who will exit tonight?
Me : Hmm... I am thinking. I cannot grasp the American spirit now. Strange things are happening.
Nephew: But, I think that plump lass should leave.
Me : Lauren? No. I think she will stay.
Nephew: Then how? Haley should stay.
Me : Many seem to think that Scotty should go now... but not sure la.

I paused and thought for a long while. Really, the most unpredicted matter can happen. I would not jump quickly to say Scotty should go; not after last week's wrong guess. Also, I have not understood the American spirit after James was ousted. I am beginning to see things in a different light now. Maybe; just maybe Scotty will stay...
What is America looking for in the idol now ? Is it just the vocals? Is America going to choose an idol that portrays what they want to see in an idol; good disposition, values, family... That is really want it means in an idolised figure ; isn't it? Is America making good sense to the world now?
So, I kept my gab closed.

I missed the first show last evening being away for a meeting but I had a message from dad, who now seemed more eager than me. It read : Haley out.
Wow, ima wakarimasen (now I don't understand).

But America has made her choice. They want the two country singers to represent the American spirit ! I like the choices.

At 17? 18? Scotty was received with overwhelming warmth and support in his home ground. A simple and unassuming guy, I hope he will stay kind, sincere and helpful in the days to come even when he becomes very famous one day. His inability to digest his sudden popularity and attention from America and the world must have caused him buckets of tears. Somehow, the countenance on one's facial features reflect one's family and religious background and America this time has really searched for the best. He has been honoured by the Almighty One.

This young lass of 16 has a big voice and I enjoyed most of her renditions. She too is a picture of sweet countenance and her simple gestures and responses in the show have caught the hearts of America. I remember vividly her denial; "I am not evil" after rendering that 'evil' song ; reflected her vehemence to be disassociated with what she doesn't believe in. Good. Another good choice and again I hope she stays sweet throughout her life even after she wins.

By the way, have you noticed that Scotty and Lauren always sing together and somehow there is a strong tie between both of them. Oh, never mind, it's just a busybody's guess work !

Goodbye Haley. But in all honesty, she is gutsy and is one of her own. She's sporty, fun and generous...my observation. She will cut her own records too and be popular; maybe she should join forces with funny Casey and rock the world! So, Grace you were wrong too.

The 10th season is indeed totally enjoyable and we had great family fun right from the beginning to the end... 95 million votes came in; the highest recorded in its history. Who needs judges now...hahahahaha. The biggest judges perhaps are the teenagers of America !

Next week, I dowan guess anymore. It's Que Sera, Sera...