When Do We Stop ?

Welcome to the club, dear nephew.

Nephew: Ayi Poh, next time where do you think my son should have his education?

Me : Here la. Why?

Nephew : But I am afraid old timers like you become obsolete and I am not too sure if the
younger breed can teach like you all.

Me : Why worry so fast? Relak la!

Nephew : Cannot...must plan now.

You see...you begin to worry even before the baby arrives. Don't all of us at one point or another?

Way before the child arrives, you read to enhance your knowledge on childcare especially so if it is the first baby. Then you begin to plan...what if? what if? Who shall the caregiver be? Must I ask my wife to quit and look after the baby? But how then? What can the maid teach my child?

NO...my wife must be the one to take care of the child. No compromise.

How shall I put my child to sleep? On the stomach or on the back? They say it's better to be on the stomach, it helps the baby to burb then it will capture the colic problem.

By the way I still remember taking care of this nephew even when he was a day old. The mama was too exhausted to handle him after 24 hours of labour and I had the scare of my life when he nearly choked on some water! And he cried every evening from 6 to 9 pm as he was real colicky! Four adults...grandma, grandpa, me and the mama were prepared for the battle every evening and he doesn't sleep at night. He sleeps in the day time and opens his eyes in the night. What a difficult child.


Well some babies have feeding problems. They don't drink so well and you have to persuade them to drink in all kinds of fashion...from lullabying to shaking and at times making them drowsy in the good 'old sarong' before the bottle is given. Esther was one of them. At 4 months old she quit the bottle and poor Leticia (maid) had to feed her manually in spoonfuls. You know mothers can turn berserk if the child refuses the 3 hourly feed and start to imagine the worst...without the feed... no weight gain which means the child won't grow well...o dear the baby is not drinking ...what shall I do? I was one of this kind of mama. Ahem...listen here now. If the baby doesn't want, it's ok...they will still grow. Look at Esther ...she is drinking milk in revenge now. So don't' panic.

Leticia and Esther

Baby Sara was the best. She drank her milk contentedly without fuss and fret. Nanny Allie has a special hold over her as she sleeps with her till this very day. They are inseparable and don't try to reduce Sara in importance in front of the nanny...she defends her like she defends the Jordan River.

Look at the contented child

It's lonely to look after babies without the support of the extended family. In those days when I was a young and inexperienced mum, and at times fearful, I used to envy Princess Diana...she had so many nannies to take care of her babies whereas I was so alone to take care of Grace.

And woe it was to me when one day I woke up to discover Grace at 9 months suffering from intussuception. I bet you don't know what it is . It's some kind of constriction of the intestines and I virtually cried for days when the doctors had to carry out a surgical procedure.

It was agonising to see the poor girl suffer such intense pain.

O ...the memory is still painful.

Por por rushed all the way up from Muar and at the Assunta Hospital the nurses gave her the greatest fright when they advised her to 'take the last look' before pushing her into the operating theatre. Uncle Choy also popped in and in the lift kept pacifying Por por. O...the amount of tears!

Grace at 9 months

Mothers go through many traumatic experiences and are ever ready to suffer for the child.

Some babies suffer from the foot and mouth disease. Both Esther and Sara had a bout of them. This is perhaps one of the most heart wrenching ailment that can happen to a child especially if it attacks the mouth and throat. No milk, no food, only pain. A mama can really cry to see the child suffer in this manner. Hungry and yet unable to swallow. I had to hold Esther throughout the night with her head on my shoulders and every movement seemed to hurt her. It was a nasty experience. Pray your child never gets it.

Then when they grow up it's again the parents' responsiblity to see that they grow well mentally and spiritually.

You have to decide where they go to for their first formal lessons. Which Kindergarten? Alpha? Ladybird? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Every Sunday, I see a group of young parents dutifully sending their children to classes for their spiritual nourishment just like what Robert and I used to do. Today the young parents are still doing exactly the same. What do we parents hope for? That the children will grow up wholesome, embracing right values and fear God. How do we protect them? How much? How far? How long?

But in school today, I still see so many wayward ones. They have fine parents who are ready to give all the support and yet things just don't work out the way it should. Where did it go wrong? Or is it too early to condemn? There is no right or wrong? Or is it time that is needed? How long? Pray they will turn out fine. Have been in the line too long not to feel sorry at times for some parents.

By the way those up there are not wayward...they are the kiasus of the batch.

Also very soon , when you grow older, the children become teenagers and semi adults. You sometimes wonder why they grow so fast but yet it is so. Now, you don't tell them what to do all the time. They tell you what they want. You listen...at times you agree. At others, you wonder what has become of them...why are they not in tune with you? Where have all the teachings gone to? Who has been influencing them? Why can't they be just like us? They make you worry.

So dear nephew, that's just a brief account of parenthood. You went through the same stage but you have turned out to be a fine man. Ayi is super proud of you. And when I hear you talk about issues of life ...man- you have grown up.

When do you stop worrying about them?

Take care, girls.