Bound Feet & Western Dress

Natasha Chang Pang-Mei's Recount of Aunt Yu-i

Grace, an avid reader, told me last month that she read the book in one sitting and insisted that I read it too as it would evoke some deep reflections and thoughts. She reads me well. She deciphers my tastes, preferences and teachings quite accurately but whether she is in tandem with me is a separate matter. I am glad though she still reads profusely till this day ; I read to her dutifully every night from young until she developed a love for reading. At least I gave her a legacy which I know will do her good.
I could still recall the times when I had to fling the books she were reading out of sight as she would be late for meals and chores . She was stuck with the readings all the time. How silly of me ! So today she introduced me to a book. How appropriate.

This biography of Yu-i tells of how she suffered under the typical Chinese home at the turn of the century in Shanghai and how she defied against the odds and turned into a strong character taking in the doldrums and tsunamis of life in long suffering and endurance.

In her days, girls are to be seen but not to be heard. Boys get the best treatment from the family and everything good goes to the male gender first. How this influence still runs in the homes of Chinese till today. Boys go overseas for education; girls stay at home.

Binding feet as seen in the illustration above was a common practice then. Girls from the tender age of 3 - 4 were already subjected to this practice and the smaller the size of the feet ,the better. A pair of dainty feet would mean a greater chance of being married off and potential mothers in laws would be looking at them to determine the outcome of the arrangement. Also, marriages were arranged between families even before the child was born. So you get to marry partners whom you may never have met and seen. O what a relief ... they are dinosaurs now.

There were many things I saw as I read ; impossible to share all my reflections. But there is this that remained with me even after I have finished reading it. Yu-i married to Hsu Chih-Mo, never had a good day with him because he considered her old-fashioned and gutsy especially with her unbound feet. She was not the flower he had in mind. Even after having a son and later not even bothered to see to the birth of his second son with her, Hsu failed to see the gem in her. Yu-i stood by the parents-in- law before and after the divorce faithfully seeing to their emotional and physical needs while Hsu fell in love with 2 other females . Yu-i submitted to his wish for a divorce and she saw his elation quietly.

When Hsu was killed in an air crash, his third and present wife did not know how to handle the funeral rites and poor Yu-i had to help in it. When Lao tai tai, the mother of Hsu died, it was Yu-i who saw to the funeral. The Lao Ye, Hsu's father, was only used to staying with Yu-i and hated to be with the other daughters-in-law...and Yu-i stood by them despite being divorced. She reminded me of Ruth and Naomi.

With all these happenings, Hsu failed to recognise his folly , for being the romantic poet , he is swarmed by idealism and not practicalities. I like Yu-i because she responded well to circumstances and even when life was tough she stood by principles of doing what was right. Many would have collapsed under the hunger she went through and especially when she had to deliver her second son in a foreign land all alone without support. Worst still, when she had to lose the son because she had not enough money to treat him. All these happened in the absence of Hsu Chih-Mo who disappeared from her life without a word and only to return later to ask for consent for a divorce.

What do we look for in a life partner? Ideals? Practical terms? Besides sharing the same faith, it will be good to look for partners who will stand by you in the ups and downs of life. Ask in all sincerity at the altar; will this man or woman be with me when circumstances become challenging? A practical wife and a practical husband ... is what I will concede to.

Bound feet and western dresses evoked my thoughts.