Memoirs

When is the best time?

A wedding invitation sometimes evokes some thoughts in life. While on the way to a colleague's wedding, Mr. Gan, the mister straight of the school cheekily inquired of me "Puan Chong ah, when do you think is the best time at this juncture of life that you would like to hold for memories?" I answered with a question " What about yourself ?" He very quickly said " When the children were younger and do not retaliate so much. Now they are older and do not take instructions so readily. "

So that stirred some feelings and evoked some memories. Actually, I should think it's now. I boldly answered him. "Are you sure with your children away from home?" he replied.

Somehow today is especially quiet. After going through the budget talk of the year in the papers and heaving a sigh of relief with the cancellation of the Competency Exam for civil servants, I remember my children. I called Grace to find her still asleep at 12.00 noon and I looked for skype partners to find them away ; it was indeed quiet.

Now, I must be truthful to myself. When actually is the best time?

I picked this photo. That's Grace and Esther fast asleep in bed in Kuching. Sara was then not born yet. Babies at this stage though a handful drive you to accomplish the impossible. I got up each morning sometimes after fretful nights but to receive joy when you see them sound asleep in their innocence. Babies also smell good and you cannot stop kissing them. At this stage it is poetry and story reading times making sure words and proper sentences are well drilled into them. But the only difficult part is food. So this is the play stage and very few worries.

Aha... when they are in the kindergarten and primary years, they are really cute. They learn the elementaries of numbers and alphabets and it's reading time again. You still hug and kiss them and they follow you everywhere. Do not despise their behaviour ; just let them follow you everywhere because very soon when they grow up you may have to coax them to follow you. Don't be surprised when they scorn at your request then. I love them at this primary stage because yes indeed they do take up your instructions still and are a little scared to ignore you.

In their upper primary years, the girls still wear the clothes I sewed but Grace is at the epitome of defiance and refused to wear anything I machined. This is the stage when she learnt to say no and did not want to wear dresses but T-shirts and shorts only. Now they take your instructions sparingly but this is also the stage when mothers go mad sending and fetching them from tuition classes. Piano classes, art lessons, mathematics...oh I hate those days. Yes, I can safely say I don't like sending them for such extra classes but must it had to be... or they may be left out and you will be the guilty party for not giving the 'best' to them. The children are home with you but this is the stage that needed the maddest coaching and it was exam orientated times.

Oh now the children are in their college years. They seem more matured and docile and are busy preparing themselves for further education and future careers. At this stage while at home with you, there is no more tuition classes and you find yourself less busy sending them everywhere. Maybe, just maybe...this is a good juncture of life. There is no boyfriend problem and their minds are fully on their studies. They travel with you and eat out with you. They shop like mad with me...and dad often says this is the worst legacy I have given them. Now Sara even asks me to persuade her not to shop aimlessly!
At this stage too, I am a proud mother in church because I am surrounded by them. For the last few weeks, I feel strange in church as none is with me in service. Now I begin to envy those who had little ones around them. I really feel so alone. When I look at Keshia and friends on stage singing, I really miss my girls.

Now is the stage when all three girls are on their own. I am also on my own but at least I have dad. They must be worst off so I should not complain. Yes, do I like this juncture? Not really.

But I know after this stage, they will come home to me after their studies and that will be the juncture I look forward to. So, Mr. Gan, I think I will patiently wait for them to come home after they have completed their missions and that might just be one of the best parts of life.

Patiently waiting.